I've meant to write about this for awhile but I keep putting it off. Here we go. I suffer from depression. I have been doing well for the last few years but I think it is like being an alcoholic, you will always have to watch yourself. I first realized I was depressed after Emily was born. I thought it was just the misery of babies that was making me miserable until I became suicidal. (wow, said that out loud). I finally went to my dr. who basically patted my hand as I had a breakdown in his office and handed me some low level pills he said I could take if I needed. I didn't feel comfortable taking them but wasn't feeling any better so I went back to a different dr. the next month. I really talked with her and she answered my questions about medication and depression and referred me to a psychiatrist. I started taking Zoloft, exercising and trying to eat better. After my meds got to the right (ie max) level I started to feel better. There were still ups and downs but I was feeling pretty good. Moral of that story go to a different dr. if you need to - a pain but worth it to have someone who understands and will work with you.
We moved to Texas and I decided I would try this baby thing again. This time though I wanted to see a councilor prior to the baby being born so I would have someone I could go to if I lost it again. It was the best decision I ever made. I loved Molly. She was down to earth, funny, real and pregnant too. It was amazing what a difference it made to talk to someone. She was a rational outsider who could tell me if my feelings were "normal" and if I needed to work on something etc. If you suffer from depression/anxiety/anything talk to a councilor weekly over the course of months. It will make a world of difference. It was such a blessing I was going to counseling because we lost Baby Brian at 40 weeks and the depression counseling turned into grief counseling. It would have been a million times harder if we hadn't been able to talk to Molly.
Later on my good friend C. recommended a book that had "changed her life" and made it so she didn't take antidepressants anymore (note: she was taking a seasonal low dose). Anyway, after reading and applying the principles in Burn's Feeling Good Handbook she basically realized that she didn't have to be perfect. Being free from unrealistic expectations placed on her by herself let her come back up emotionally.
Burns espouses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Basically, that your thoughts control your emotions. He teaches you to be aware of your feelings and thoughts choose more rational forms of thinking. Buy this book! I don't care if you are depressed or not. It has something in it for EVERYONE. I will go more in depth in another post but seriously BUY and READ this book. I hate self help books as a general rule but I want EVERYONE who reads this blog to read The Feeling Good Handbook.
I will write more later but if I had two seconds to give advice to anyone who was suffering from depression the first three things I would recommend would be to see your dr. and a councilor and read the Feeling Good Handbook. Those three things TOGETHER should make good headway in most cases.
5 comments:
Thanks for sharing that, Leila. I think depression is actually much more prevalent than many people think, particularly among LDS women.
With such high standards being set in every aspect of life, a lot of women are a long way down that slippery slope before realizing there may be a problem, and most would prefer not to admit it because of the stigma (real and imagined) that goes along with it.
You're right in that it should be brought to light, if only to prepare family members to watch for the warning signs. It also benefits others in that the more educated a person is, the more they are able to be helpful to someone in that situation.
I had the experience (years ago) of talking with a good friend, and after I got off the phone it clicked for me that she was depressed. I called her right back and explained what I thought, and gave her the number of a nurse's hotline where she could discuss her feelings with a professional.
She ended up in the doctor's office and got the help (and pharmaceutical intervention) she needed. I'm always so grateful that I knew at least a little bit about the warning signs, because who knows how much longer she would've suffered without realizing she could do something about it.
Leila - I'm glad you were able to post about this issue. Depression runs in my family quite heavily and I've been depressed/suicidal most of my life until I had some mental breakthroughs about 10-12 years ago. I finally went for the meds when my dad died 12 years ago - and that made me stable enough to work through some issues. I'm drug free right now and use CBT as my method of coping (although I didn't know that's what it is called - my dad was a therapist so I do some of these things without realizing what he taught me) - but I have no problem going back on them if need be. Depression is definitely a huge problem with a major stigma attached. I'm grateful you came forward and felt comfortable talking about it for other's sake.
Thanks for sharing Leila. I actually teared up a bit reading your post. I was on meds before I got preg with Mia and have fought to stay off them since then. It is really helpful to know that we are all REAL women and not the perfect Mormon women we see at church on Sundays (that make sense?). One thing that has helped get me out of funks is listening to or reading Wayne Dyer, especially Power of Intention. I think he gets it on many levels and I've stolen my dads copy of the CDs and have listened to them many times. I always feel uplifted afterwards.
Thanks.
I appreciate your honesty too. I remember hearing a few pieces of this in Texas ... some of your post partum experiences with Emily ... so it's nice to see a big picture. The book title sounds great too.
Though I have not suffered from clinical depression, I can see the havoc that unrealistic/wrong expectations wreaked in my life. I want to continue to break free from them. I look forward to reading this & gaining new insight.
I think I struggle with a fear that if people know the "real" me and what I really think, then they won't like me.
I must add that when my spouse left me, it certainly confirmed my worst fears. He knew me better than anyone else in some ways, and yes, the more he got to know me, the more he didn't want to be there.
So I'm working on how to be an authentic person who isn't a fake and cutting myself some slack and being less judgmental of myself ... and others too, I'm sure.
Thanks for bringing all of this up.
Thanks for your thoughts. I'm going to see if my library has that book. Todd is a fan of CBT so maybe we can read it together.
One thing I learned after my father-in-law passed away and Todd struggled with depression, is that it's REALLY hard to have a spouse with depression. I'd rather go through it myself than have him go through it any day. It was the most hopeless feeling I've ever had. Now I know what he has to live with when I'm struggling.
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