Third Time's The Charm or Growing Up

This is what Kate looked like the last two times I tried to feed her cereal. It was like she was saying, "Augh! There is stuff in my mouth! That's weird. Oh no, I swallowed some! I don't think I'm suppose to swallow stuff, but it was in my mouth." I think she might have gotten 1/2 a teaspoon down.

Yesterday I tried again for the third time and she ate! There was still cereal all over but some of it went down -- on purpose even. Aleah had given her eating lessons earlier in the week. She would show Kate her spoon and then put it in her mouth saying, "Look, this is how you eat!" It seemed to work or something. Kate even tried to grab the spoon. She is growing up!

These last two weeks have been full of milestones. She turned 6 months old on the 19th. She all of a sudden likes grabbing and playing with toys. She also figured out yesterday, after 2 weeks of sitting in the exersaucer, that she could bounce up and down in it. I can put her down for bed awake for naps and at night but she still insists she needs to eat twice a night. Still some work to go but she is a sweet baby and usually very happy.

The Hansens loved making her laugh and smile. All the more fun because it is so easy.

I Love My Cousins!

That's what Aleah said when the Hansens were leaving this morning. They aren't our real cousins but Brian and Nels worked in neighboring labs at BYU and we went to Texas A&M at the same time. We have managed to keep in contact with them and have spent Thanksgiving with them while we were in Indiana. It was too long of a drive this Thanksgiving. ** side note: we visited our really-real cousins (they have all girls too) for Thanksgiving, but thanks to a broken camera have no pictures, much to Grandma Shirley's dismay.** Anyway, the Hansens decided to come out the day after Christmas and spent the weekend with us. We had a great time. The kids all played really well together. Emily and Haley were especially inseparable.

Colleen, the ultimate Daddy's Girl, ditched Brian and wanted to sit on Christina's lap all the time. The craziest part was the amount of dishes we went through every meal. We filled up the dishwasher after every meal! We look forward to descending on their house this spring on the way to NY.

Erica and Anna's Wedding Quilts

While I was in Utah for my sister Anna's wedding I stayed with my sister Erica and snapped a picture of the quilt I made her 7 or 8 years ago. When Erica had gotten married she and my mom had made a dust ruffle, pillow cases, side table skirts, etc out of sheets and there were left overs my mom had and was planning on making into a quilt at some point. Well, I had just gotten into quilting but was poor, VERY POOR and begged the scraps off my mom so I would have something to play with.

I knew I didn't dare make an intricate quilt top - it wouldn't get done and I was just starting out - so I decided to go for large squares interspersed with 16-patch squares. Not too bad although I still feel bad that Erica got my first attempt because (not meaning to sound totally egotistical but...) I have gotten way better.

Case in point, my sister Anna's duvet cover. How lucky is she!?! The top is pieced from decor/upholstery samples my neighbor gave me (thanks!). This kind of quilt is called a value quilt - where 1/2 square triangles are placed together to make a secondary pattern. It is hard to see but there is a 12 inch border around the blue in dark brown corduroy. The corduroy is so fine it almost feels velvety.

The back of the duvet cover has a lighter brown fabric embroidered with flowers, leaves and swirls with the dark brown border again. I love that fabric and made a dress for Emily out of the leftovers (the result of doing my yardage calculations wrong - I checked my math three times but made the same mistake all times! - happy mistake). I told Anna that if she didn't like it she had to give it back - no hard feelings - because I LOVE IT!

I also love this picture of my Dad and Kate at the wedding reception.

Guess What I got For Christmas?

Happy Faces Everywhere!

New Favorites

This week we ran out of things to watch on Hulu so tried something new. Community. I had seen the previews and thought it would be dumb/inappropriate but It Is Hilarious! Check it out.

Another new favorite is Castle. Cocky Crime Writer shadowing Female Cop for book inspiration and solving murders in NYC at the same time.

On a more "classic" note, we got The Hallelujah Trail from NetFlix this week. We watched this all the time as kids and I still think it is the funniest thing ever. A must see. Aleah started singing, "Stand up and march to Denver, No more wine or beer!" at the top of her lungs in the grocery store after watching it. Ahh...I'm just going to try to tell myself it was a good chance to talk about the word of wisdom, the effects of alcohol, names of different types of alcohol (wine, whiskey, rum, beer, gin, fire water) and poking fun at westerns that stereotype uh native americans and documentaries. Good times.

What are some of your favorite shows?

Snowed In

Yesterday Brian and Emily came home early because of a winter storm warning/blizzard watch. It hit last night (not enough wind to be a blizzard - I think it would be cool to be in one - Long-Hard-Winter-Wanna-Be-For-A-Few-Hours). Anyway, there is about two feet of snow. Brian stayed home from work - I think everyone everywhere did - and is digging us out with the help of our neighbor Mike. Mike's wife convinced him to get a snowblower this year. Nice for us! :)

Family

Here are some pictures of my trip to Utah for my sister Anna's wedding. I loved hanging out with everybody.

Anna and Scott at the Draper Temple.

notice the cold windswept look

I LOVE this picture of Chris. :)

Eric warming up with my gloves

Erica and Neil dancing at the reception.

Blake with niece Margaret. Blake was SUPER nice and watched Kate

while we were in the temple.

Kate and I.

As multiple of my siblings have said, we like each other we just don't do anything about it. So, starting now I am going to do something about it. First, I am going to talk to each of my siblings EVERY month. Crazy, I know. And I think it would be fun to have a sibling gift exchange. It would give us a chance to think about each other and do something nice. I thought we could have a $10 max including shipping.

But if you want to skirt the shipping issue you could get a gift card or talk to a spouse/family member. For example, if you want to get me the $7.99 rosette maker you can send Brian the money and he can pick it up from our local hardware store for you and even gift wrap it. What service!

Well, without further comment Brian will draw names.

Leila to Chris

Erica to Eric

Josh to Blake

Chris to Josh

Neil to Anna

Anna to Neil

Blake to Erica

Eric to Leila

It was random. Really, Anna/Neil. I hope everyone thinks this is a good idea - if not...well...tough...or give me a call. Love you guys!

Massive Bullet Update

• I did not win the election. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that no one was really campaigning -- but if you want to win against incumbents and you know 10 people in town you have to really do a lot more than I did. At least more than 10 people voted for me. Anyway, the re-elected Mayor wrote and asked me if I wanted to be on the Zoning and Planning board. We'll see.
• Aleah turned five on Tuesday. She was VERY excited and had been crossing out days on the calendar. We had a very small, calm fun party (our neighbors with 4 kids were sick and unable to make it) . Highlights were making party hats, plastic soda bottle bowling, pin-the-candle-on-the-cake and duck duck goose. I was pretty proud of the cake too. I put ice cream around the edge of a springform pan, then layered the cake and ice cream in the middle and topped it off with puffs of whipped cream. Super good.
• Kate turned five months old on the 19th. She smiles at everyone. She went from sleeping through the night back to waking up one or two times - augh! I am going to start her on some cereal and see if that helps. None of my kids have liked the rice so I am going to start with oatmeal. Have any of your babies had cereal preferences? She can roll over from front to back and from back to front. Holds herself up on her arms but hasn't started scooting. She is the biggest thumb sucker of any of them. I love how she can calm herself down. However, she has stared trying to suck her thumb and nurse at the same time. That just doesn't work.
• Anna got married on Saturday. It was fun to be in Utah and hang out with everyone. Well, everyone but Anna. Does anyone else notice that about weddings? The person that you really want to hang out with has about a million people that want to hang out with them. That's ok. They let my sister and I go back with my mom to help her get into her "wedding" dress after the temple ceremony. That was fun! I also got to hang out tons with my sister Erica. So much fun and so nice not to have any real responsibilities. My responsibilities are driving me nuts right now! How many times do they have to repeat "mom" in a row?!? Oh, and I finished her pieced duvet cover made of brown and blue decor fabric samples. Pictures later of everything.
• We just received 1/4 of a cow this evening. For those of you interested in the details it was about 86 cents a pound live weight. We ended up with about 200lbs for about $500. What a deal. It takes up less than half of our chest freezer. I figure we have our years supply of beef. Now I just need to get a wheat grinder.
• According to Emily's teacher fourth graders should be able to do their homework now with only minimal prompting. humm... I am going nuts with spelling, memorizing multiplication facts, practicing the recorder and the piano, memorizing state capitals and finishing up any homework that she didn't finish at school (usually only a few math problems). Augh!!!! I wouldn't have a problem with reminding if she would do it without whining but alas.... so, how do you deal with homework/memorization and do your kids work independently?
• My responsibilities are crying so I'll go but I will post more later.

Campaign Update

Small town politics are very small...last week only Ron showed - he is a current city council member. We talked for awhile and then he had a list of 4 questions he had each of us answer. It was really kind of fun and interesting but not a vote building exercise. Looking back I realized that instead of gabbing with the other council members about local events/problems I should have been out in the hall/outside handing out Vote! magnets and trying to get people to come in. There was actually quite a bit of traffic past the City Council chambers from people going to football/soccer games and to the fitness center. Oh, well...Lesson learned.

This morning I put a poster board out by the road outside the City Hall/Library/Fitness Center (3C's) complex. I put the muffins and fliers outside the Council Chambers, wheeled the white board out too and wrote, Meet the Candidates...etc. Still after doing all of that it was pretty slow. There weren't any games this morning. Just my luck! The mayoral candidates hung out talking issues in the room and I would waylay people as they came in the door to go to the gym. About 1/2 weren't from Huxley but from neighboring towns, but everyone else got my 1/4 page "profile" and Remember to Vote! magnet. I handed out about 12. Put some outside the library and chatted with the one other city council candidate that was there. Sad really... No wonder the other candidates weren't really excited about the Open House.

The next plan: hand out profiles/magnets on Halloween to the parents while the kids get glow-in-the-dark bracelets. I think we will hand out bracelets every year from now on. You can pick up a 12/15 pack at Target or Micheal's for a dollar. I like them because they are way cool, you can see the kids in the dark better and you can't eat a whole bag of them before Halloween. Tell me I'm not the only one that has happened to.

Check out this fun 5th grade campaign story at Design Mom. Too bad we didn't do formal speeches. :)

Reasons Why I'd Vote for My Mom

1. uummm... Oh! Because she's my mom!
2. let's see, she's cool and nice
3. Oh, I know! She'd make me!
4. ?
5. Bla, Bla, Bla...
6. She's nice and pretty
7. :)
8. ?????????

I was getting everything ready for tomorrows Meet the Candidates Open House and Emily gave me the list above. Hopefully other people will vote for me even if I am not their mom.

Tomorrow I am bringing name tags, my candidate profile, Remember to Vote refrigerator magnets, a red table runner, blueberry and banana muffins in blue papers on a white cupcake stand. Red, white and blue. Cool, huh? Brian says red, white and blue is too republican. WHAT?? Anyway, last time they did something like this only 4 people showed up. Hopefully more will be there tomorrow morning at 9 am?!? Oh, well...

Baby Brian's Blanket

Last April, I heard about the Blogger's Quilt Festival but lost the link so I held my own quilt show. This year I found the link and have spent all day cleaning, looking at quilts, feeding the baby, cleaning and looking at more BEAUTIFUL quilts. The blogging community is AMAZING. The quilts and stories behind them are INSPIRING. Over 650 people have posted links to the favorite quilt they have made. Go check it out and post your own favorite quilt too.

I think this is one of my favorite quilts. It is the only baby quilt I have made for my children that was finished before they were born - or a year old. I tried to collect all sorts of different blue fabrics - my mom even sent me some scraps from a shirt and dress she had made.

The design didn't turn out exactly how I had imagined (I was trying for a double Irish chain look but didn't use a pattern, oops). But I was (and still am) soooo proud of myself for free motion quilting those leafy/flower things in the white space. I loved it and the dark blue binding was perfect.

However, Baby Brian was stillborn at 40+ weeks. Husband Brian suggested perhaps we could bury him with the quilt but I said, "No way!" Part if it, I must admit, was pride - I had worked hard on his quilt and didn't want to bury it! But the most important reason was I felt his quilt was the only thing of his, the only memory, I had which I could really hold on to. So he was buried with another snugly blanket and all of my next three girls have used this blanket too.

Creepy Classics

A month or two ago Brian brought home Interview With the Vampire. After reading it I realized that my knowledge of vampire and other creepiness was sorely lacking. So I decided to do some creepy reading in preparation for Halloween. First I read Frankenstein, because the library's copy of Dracula was missing and they had to order one in. Frankenstein was pretty good. The beginning was slow to say the least and I really don't know what Frankenstein was thinking when he created his "being" but a good read. Dracula was a bit weird. I think they expected you to know a bit about vampires because the precautions against them are not well explained. Also, why did Dracula ship all those caskets of earth? Can he hang out all day - like when he was checking the other caskets hiding places? Not well explained - or maybe I was just reading it late a night and had "baby brain." The ending also seems rushed and anticlimactic.

So what other creepy classics are there? Jekyll and Hyde, Poe...? Got any ideas? I read the first few pages of Pride Prejudice and Zombies in the bookstore and almost died laughing but I don't know if that counts as a classic. :) Is there classic zombie literature? Or is that an oxymoron? Give me some Creepy Classic Reading Ideas!

Anna is Engaged!

My "little" sister Anna is engaged! At last! Not that she is old it is just that she and Scott Silver went to WA to visit my parents in August and I have been on pins and needles ever since. The date has yet to be set because the Mt. Timp. Temple is closed for cleaning on the original date they planned. These pictures of the happy couple are from her facebook account. I am not sure what is up with the Ghostbusters suit but it is pretty sweet, eh? Congratulations Anna!

First City Council, Then the World!

I just turned in the paperwork to run for City Council. Aughhh! I have always wanted to do something like that. In High School I ran for either Jr. or Sophomore rep. That was the biggest disaster. I made up signs like the one recreated for you above. Except it was centered, vertical and looked better - but the eye grabbing hot pink and the cool box with the vote check mark are accurate and oh, so sure to make you win. Except I had no experience and was so nervous I wouldn't practice my speech. I would walk past my posters in the hall and want to rip them down because I didn't want anyone looking at me, or talking about me or augh! I don't know but if I was Brian I would have broken out in hives. As it was I gave literally the worse speech ever, no eye contact, shaking voice, the funny parts weren't funny - I walked on that stage just wishing I could sink into the ground and went off knowing I had just sealed my losing fate - but glad it was over at least. No amount of well designed posters would help at the voting booths.

To run for City Council I had to have at least 10 people sign a petition to have my name put on the ballot. I was feeling sick over this. I don't know 10 people in town so I would have to knock on some doors. I realized that I was freaking out and did one of the exercises from the Feeling Good Handbook. I mentally listed my feelings, the negative thoughts I was having, identified the fallacies and thought of more realistic outcomes. You know what? It really helped. I sent all my family members a copy of the Feeling Good Handbook - read it!

Moving on, I had decided not to run for two more years until our neighbor M. came over Tuesday night to have us sign his petition to run for Mayor and convinced/flattered me that they needed people like me on city council (ie people who actually think and don't just rubber stamp things). So I pick up another copy of the application, had some people sign it last night before YW's and knocked on some doors on my way to City Hall to get the rest of the signatures. Do you know what? All of the people I asked to sign were very friendly and nice and not mean at all. The people at City Hall - not so helpful. I asked if there was anything else I needed to do or know and they just kind of shrugged and said, "nope, we just need your paperwork." I don't think they think I am a contender - but I am.

From what a lot of people have said the city government is kind of clique-y and not efficient. So if I can somehow run as the "Huxley Outsider" but still with enough experience and sense of community to do a good job...? How much should one campaign for a Small Town City Council position? Ideas? I don't want to totally lose but I don't want to over kill either. I think I will definitely have Brian and I on the main road in and out of town during morning and evening commuting on voting day with "Remember To Vote Gardunia" signs - the girls would be cute - Vote for My Mom!

How about this for a sign: on cardboard - cheap, easy, shows willingness to work for the community - or poor homelessness and not very classy - but memorable? Let me know what you think my campaign strategy should be.

I Love Fabric

I know my brother thinks blog giveaways are lame - but I would really like to win one. The patern and material to make this is being given away at V's. Don't feel like you have to go over there and enter though. No, stop, now. I mean she has a fun web site and all but I don't need the competition. :) Oh, wait, how about you enter and then you can give me the fabric for Christmas. Ok, go and enter, now, fast. :)

To Love a Book by It's Cover

Brian brought me home a late birthday present yesterday and I LOVE IT! The recipes are good and the pictures are AMAZING. I love all the vintage cooking pictures and can't wait to try the Honey Frosting. She also wrote Sow and Grow and See and Sew. Put them on your Christmas list now. Hint...Hint...

Do you Digital Scrapbook?

I just visited my SIL Charlotte's scrapbooking blog Scrappity. Love it! I hadn't been over there in awhile and she has a whole bunch of new FREE downloadable scrapbooking papers. Head over and check it out. I wish all the patterns came in fabric too. As you can tell from my side bar I am in a quilting rut right now. Not actually doing any quilting, but thinking about it! This week I am going to organize and clean and then watch out! Maybe...I hope...

Double Breakfast

Today before church we got double breakfast. I found a baked oatmeal recipe a few months back and was making that for breakfast when the girls came in from their run with Brian and said they had talked about making pancakes for breakfast. That was ok because I had just found a blender pancake recipe I wanted to try out. So we had pancakes for breakfast and will have leftover baked oatmeal for lunch.

The great pictures aren't mine - they came from the sites I found them on. I am going to try to make more things from the Everyday Food Storage Recipe site. I'll let you know what I find.

Blender Wheat Pancakes

1 Cup Milk (translation for powdered milk is 3 T. Milk and 1 C. Water)
1 Cup Wheat Kernels, whole & uncooked
2 Eggs (2 T. powdered eggs 1/4 C. Water)
2 tsp Baking Powder
1-1/2 tsp Salt
2 Tbs. Oil
2 Tbs. Honey or Sugar

Put milk and wheat kernels in blender.Blend on highest speed for 4 or 5 minutes or until batter is smooth. Add eggs, oil, baking powder, salt and honey or sugar to above batter. Blend on low. Pour out batter into pancakes from the actual blender jar (only one thing to wash!) onto a hot greased or Pam prepared griddle or large frying pan.Cook; flipping pancakes when bubbles pop and create holes.

Note: When I made this this morning the batter was a little runny - more like blender crepes, yumm - so I added a couple of tablespoons of flour to thicken it up.

Baked Oatmeal

From: My Kitchen Cafe

6 cups oatmeal (you can use quick or rolled - quick gives it a smoother texture)

2 cups brown sugar

1 cup oil

2 cups milk

4 beaten eggs

1 tablespoon baking powder

2 teaspoons salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients together and pour into a greased 9X13-inch baking pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Serve warm with milk and fruit... or not.

I have halved the recipe and it works great, but I do suggest making the whole pan...it is great for days!

Note: I use unsweetened applesauce instead of oil and cut the sugar down to 11/2 cups and it is still super sweet. One time I even forgot to put in the sugar and we just sprinkled it on top.

I cooked some frozen blueberries with just a bit of water, ground ginger and cinnamon and ladled that over the top of the oatmeal - super yumm.

Prairie Fest '09

We had the BEST.TIME.EVER. at Prairie Fest, our local small town festival. The weather was beautiful and I just wanted to stay out all day. It started Friday evening when we went downtown and let the kids jump and play on the inflatables. Brian was lucky enough to score some free wristbands for the kids (not that anyone was really checking wristbands, it was more of and on-your-honor type of thing). As it started to get dark we noticed the 5 hot air balloons a block farther south in a field. They were AMAZING. I realized that I had never seen hot air balloons in person before. I can't explain why but they are just awe inspiring. There is a balloon festival about an hour south of here in the summer with hundreds of balloons - we are definitely going next year. At about 10:30 the fireworks started! I know! Fireworks at a small town shin-dig. It was a pretty good show. We (Brian, Colleen and I) stood outside with our neighbors and gabbed and watched.

Colleen had a hard time going to sleep that night but Brian still woke up early to run the 10K race. He placed last and was very sore but we are very proud.

After he got back we got ready and went out to see the parade. We sat in front of G.'s house and watched the floats and got lots of candy. Halloween in August. Some of the highlights of the parade were the high school marching band, the old tractors and cars, the people dressed as bananas on bikes and the 5th and 6th grade football team. They were all riding on a trailer and as we were at the end of the route they had run out of candy to throw and were all yelling at the top of their lungs for us to throw candy back at them (so they could have it or throw it I don't know, but it was something else). After the parade we went for lunch at the church across the street from us. It was their annual fund raiser and I had a Made-Right sandwich - think sloppy joe with out the sauce. It was actually pretty good. And the homemade pies for dessert! Amazing! I think next time I might just go for pie.

After lunch the girls went to our neighbor M.'s birthday party -they had a blast. Brian napped on their couch with Kate while I hit all of the garage sales in town. I won't bore you with the list but I totally scored! OK, you forced it out of me for $23 I got: 2 cork boards, markers, crayons, balls, play dough toys, 2 carry-on-roller suitcases, a small carry-on duffel, an exersaucer, huge cool piggy bank, loaf of homemade zuchhini bread and 4 baskets. It was a good day!

After the party the girls wanted to go back downtown. Brian stayed and napped with Colleen and the rest of us checked out the dancing, dog show and mud volleyball - and of course went on more inflatable rides. The mud volleyball was hilarious. There were 8 people on a team and they could barely move in that ankle deep muddy water. The girls were disappointed they could not be on a team until they were 18 and decided we should make a court in our yard.

After dinner we went and picked corn a truck load of corn and then went to check out the magician. The only snag was when Brian and I both thought Aleah was with the other that evening as it was getting dark. I was terrified. She had been lost at least 20 minutes but came running right up when we called. She had been standing off by the gazebo the whole time - she told me later she had only cried a little. A funnel cake on the way home finished off the evening and they went to bed dirty, tired and happy.

It was one of those indescribable good, happy days.

Super Brian

Brian says he looks like a super hero in his new prescription safety glasses and I think he is pretty super too. I thought I would share some of his super powers. (you have to say super ____ like you are saying SUPER MAN - or else it just sounds funny.)

Super Hearing Brian can hear dripping water or a "loud" refrigerator from a mile away. This is essential in his heroic mission to keep our home water damage free.

Super Smell He was lying on the floor in Colleen's room and smelled mildew and rot. The next day he tried to track down the smell - it was coming from Colleen's sandals. He can find those sandals in any room in the house just using his nose.

Super Sleeper He can sleep anywhere. Recently he has been sleeping on the floor in Colleen's room since she has started waking up screaming 3 or 4 times a night.

Super Legs He has been running 1-3 times a week for the last month or so and decided to run in the 5k/10k race here in town yesterday. As he was signing up he looked at the route and realized that he had run that way before and he could do the 10k. CRAZY MAN! Needless to say he now has a Super Sore Body. But I am super proud of him even if he did come in last.

Super Voice The kids are lucky to have a Dad with a Super Voice to read and read and read to them each night. Unfortunately, they are often thwarted in their reading by Mean Mom who says, "You have been reading for a half and hour! It's 9 o'clock! Time to stop!"

Super Taste buds The man cannot be brought down by spicy, is ultra sensitive to sweet and cannot taste sour. Those way over sweetened Grapefruit Juices are the bane of his existence.

Super Friendly We wouldn't know hardly anyone here if it weren't for Brian. He just feels comfortable talking to almost anyone.

Super Funny The girls love playing with him and he makes me laugh/roll my eyes everyday.

I love him and am so glad that I have been able to spend the last 10 years with my SUPER HUSBAND

Beauty Pictures

Amy is hosting "Let's Get Real 2009" -- Unedited pictures of your home in it's normal state. Scary I know. Unfortunately, I spent 2 hours cleaning my house before treating myself to a blog-surf where I found her post yesterday, still more unfortunately, the house has descended back into chaos and most unfortunate of all I dropped my camera twice (yes, twice-me, not the kids) two days ago and broke it so I can't take current pictures of the mess.

Fortunately, I remembered these beauties. I took these when we were listing our house. I had to get perfect pictures for our listing but took some before and after pictures for fun.

When I saw this picture of the kitchen I was giving myself a pat on the back for keeping our current kitchen cleaner but then I realized that we have 5 times the counter space so the mess is just more spead out. There is really more of it.

That's the living room when I had been trying to keep it clean. Selling a house is the worst. I was almost glad we didn't have very many showings.

Amy will be posting her Normal People Extravaganza on Tuesday - be part of the action too!

Things I Have Learned

Once I admitted I was depressed and started reading up on it I realized that I had probably had two prior episodes of depression. The first one was my sophomore year in college. That year is just fuzzy in my mind. I was working an early morning custodial job and was under the normal school stresses everyone is. Unfortunately, lack of sleep and stress are two of my big depression triggers. I slowly "snapped out of it" during the break that summer. The second 'sode was at the end of my mission. Add to stressed and tired, bad companion relations, gray and freezing cold weather and nothing resembling anything that could be construed as success and you will know why I was miserable. Plus looking back I think my companion was also suffering from depression. Two depressed sisters - I was glad to come home. I wanted out of that situation so badly I didn't have second thoughts about whether or not I was glad to go home. Again it took me two or three months to get out of my slump. When I did it was like things just brightened up again.

I talked to my mom about my depression (at last) and found out that everyone in my immediate and extended family suffers from some form of depression. Why did I not know about this? Everyone who is so genetically predisposed should be warned. Depression and other mental health issues usually show up in the early 20's - when you are on a mission or away at school or a newly wed or basically on your own. Be warned younger siblings - be aware of how you are feeling and dealing with things. If you come from a family who has mental health issues you might luck out but you might have been dealt a genetically bad hand and have to deal with depression or other issues. Side note: I personally buy into depression having both a physical and behavioral component.

I also learned that exercise and eating well can help regulate depression. My sister and I got a 2 for 1 pass at the gym. I could tell when I had exercised enough (35 to 40 minutes) because my body chemistry really would change. I even went off sugar for about 4 months. Eating complex carbohydrates helps keep blood sugar and emotional levels more even so you don't have the highs and lows of junk food. By the time I admitted I was depressed I was too far gone to put these things into practice. It was only after I was on my meds for a few months that I was "together" enough to work on things myself. Before I would have just tried, failed, cried, felt like a loser, cried and cried again. There is a certain level you have to be at/get to before you can help yourself.

I learned that I could tell if I was slipping back into a depressive episode because I start having recurring dreams where I am beyond a b****. Yelling, throwing things, saying horrible things to people. Really yucky dreams. Another sign is when I start swearing in my head (yeah, sometimes it pops out too). I also become angry irritable and impatient with the children. I want to hit someone or something. I have seriously thought about getting a punching bag.

If you want to learn more about depression a good site is WebMD - of course they are coming at depression from a medical disease point of view.

Three Depression Recommendations

I've meant to write about this for awhile but I keep putting it off. Here we go. I suffer from depression. I have been doing well for the last few years but I think it is like being an alcoholic, you will always have to watch yourself. I first realized I was depressed after Emily was born. I thought it was just the misery of babies that was making me miserable until I became suicidal. (wow, said that out loud). I finally went to my dr. who basically patted my hand as I had a breakdown in his office and handed me some low level pills he said I could take if I needed. I didn't feel comfortable taking them but wasn't feeling any better so I went back to a different dr. the next month. I really talked with her and she answered my questions about medication and depression and referred me to a psychiatrist. I started taking Zoloft, exercising and trying to eat better. After my meds got to the right (ie max) level I started to feel better. There were still ups and downs but I was feeling pretty good. Moral of that story go to a different dr. if you need to - a pain but worth it to have someone who understands and will work with you.

We moved to Texas and I decided I would try this baby thing again. This time though I wanted to see a councilor prior to the baby being born so I would have someone I could go to if I lost it again. It was the best decision I ever made. I loved Molly. She was down to earth, funny, real and pregnant too. It was amazing what a difference it made to talk to someone. She was a rational outsider who could tell me if my feelings were "normal" and if I needed to work on something etc. If you suffer from depression/anxiety/anything talk to a councilor weekly over the course of months. It will make a world of difference. It was such a blessing I was going to counseling because we lost Baby Brian at 40 weeks and the depression counseling turned into grief counseling. It would have been a million times harder if we hadn't been able to talk to Molly.

Later on my good friend C. recommended a book that had "changed her life" and made it so she didn't take antidepressants anymore (note: she was taking a seasonal low dose). Anyway, after reading and applying the principles in Burn's Feeling Good Handbook she basically realized that she didn't have to be perfect. Being free from unrealistic expectations placed on her by herself let her come back up emotionally.

Burns espouses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Basically, that your thoughts control your emotions. He teaches you to be aware of your feelings and thoughts choose more rational forms of thinking. Buy this book! I don't care if you are depressed or not. It has something in it for EVERYONE. I will go more in depth in another post but seriously BUY and READ this book. I hate self help books as a general rule but I want EVERYONE who reads this blog to read The Feeling Good Handbook.

I will write more later but if I had two seconds to give advice to anyone who was suffering from depression the first three things I would recommend would be to see your dr. and a councilor and read the Feeling Good Handbook. Those three things TOGETHER should make good headway in most cases.

One of the Cool Moms

I noticed especially in Texas that it was the cool young moms that got asked to serve in the Young Women's Program. Well, I either look cooler than I am or they are making an exception because I just got called to be the BeeHive class adviser (12-13 yr olds). (Did they notice my new flat-ironed hair do?!?) I am in charge of teaching the Sunday lessons and will participate in midweek activities as I am able/needed. I am glad I am teaching the younger girls instead of the older ones.

I think this calling will also be a wake up call. Yesterday's lesson (I didn't teach) was on keeping our thoughts pure. One thing that was emphasized was that what we see and hear is with us long term - while there is repentance our minds remember so it is better to avoid than to repent. The girls were given a bookmark with a cockroach in an ice cream cone and the saying: It's really good, except for that one part. How many times have I said that?!? I recreated it for you up above. Yuck! I am recommitting to watching/reading/listening to stuff that I can recommend wholeheartedly.

More Random Stuff

I just found out about my neighbor Lisa's art blog. She paints a little picture on a playing card each day and posts them. They are mostly food based. She also sells on Etsy. How cool is she?!?

Brian and the girls found a cicada coming out of it's old skin.

10 years ago Thursday Brian and I got married. I love him so much! I think we will have a self portrait anniversary tradition from now on. We carried on in our normal anniversary tradition and went out to eat Friday night.

I found this great blog called Petit Debutant and among other things she is hosting a Photography-Along. I think I am going to do it and this picture of Kate is my first picture using what I learned in the first lesson. The Get Closer, Rule of Thirds and the Golden Mean. Check it out. Let me know if you decide to do it.

Kate is Soooo spitty! On a more positive note she rolled over from her front to her back today.

Thursday was Emily's first day of school. She was up and dressed with her shoes and backpack on at 7am. She and Brian left at 7:25 to walk 4 blocks to the high school where she catches the bus. She walks with our neighbors Mandy and Adam. VERY EXCITING! She has also developed her own sense of style. Note the rubberbands on her wrist and the sock on her arm. She and Aleah dyed socks with chalk a week or two ago and she has been wearing it regularly since. Brian didn't notice she was wearing it the first day of school (I was feeding the baby) and I only saw it when she got home and we took pictures. The ratty gray sock has been offically banned as school wear but she can wear it to play. :) oh boy...