Things I Have Learned

Once I admitted I was depressed and started reading up on it I realized that I had probably had two prior episodes of depression. The first one was my sophomore year in college. That year is just fuzzy in my mind. I was working an early morning custodial job and was under the normal school stresses everyone is. Unfortunately, lack of sleep and stress are two of my big depression triggers. I slowly "snapped out of it" during the break that summer. The second 'sode was at the end of my mission. Add to stressed and tired, bad companion relations, gray and freezing cold weather and nothing resembling anything that could be construed as success and you will know why I was miserable. Plus looking back I think my companion was also suffering from depression. Two depressed sisters - I was glad to come home. I wanted out of that situation so badly I didn't have second thoughts about whether or not I was glad to go home. Again it took me two or three months to get out of my slump. When I did it was like things just brightened up again.

I talked to my mom about my depression (at last) and found out that everyone in my immediate and extended family suffers from some form of depression. Why did I not know about this? Everyone who is so genetically predisposed should be warned. Depression and other mental health issues usually show up in the early 20's - when you are on a mission or away at school or a newly wed or basically on your own. Be warned younger siblings - be aware of how you are feeling and dealing with things. If you come from a family who has mental health issues you might luck out but you might have been dealt a genetically bad hand and have to deal with depression or other issues. Side note: I personally buy into depression having both a physical and behavioral component.

I also learned that exercise and eating well can help regulate depression. My sister and I got a 2 for 1 pass at the gym. I could tell when I had exercised enough (35 to 40 minutes) because my body chemistry really would change. I even went off sugar for about 4 months. Eating complex carbohydrates helps keep blood sugar and emotional levels more even so you don't have the highs and lows of junk food. By the time I admitted I was depressed I was too far gone to put these things into practice. It was only after I was on my meds for a few months that I was "together" enough to work on things myself. Before I would have just tried, failed, cried, felt like a loser, cried and cried again. There is a certain level you have to be at/get to before you can help yourself.

I learned that I could tell if I was slipping back into a depressive episode because I start having recurring dreams where I am beyond a b****. Yelling, throwing things, saying horrible things to people. Really yucky dreams. Another sign is when I start swearing in my head (yeah, sometimes it pops out too). I also become angry irritable and impatient with the children. I want to hit someone or something. I have seriously thought about getting a punching bag.

If you want to learn more about depression a good site is WebMD - of course they are coming at depression from a medical disease point of view.